Dear Els, the love of my life,
I had made the decision not to see BJ anymore. That's because when I see BJ, I have to smoke pot. I had quit pot 3 years ago. It was a hard-fought battle because quitting pot means quitting BJ.
Finally, I have to make the choice. I have to quit BJ. That's it, Els. Forty years of friendship finally ended.
I have no other friend besides BJ. Now, not even that.
Here I am, Lost in the Lost World. There is nothing left. You are my only consolation.
It may sound like a sad story. The truth is, today my life begins.
Sure, I have my shortcomings in dealing with mental illness. Nevertheless, unless I truly quit smoking in whatever form, I am still on an uphill battle with substance abuse.
Honey, I write to you because you are my beacon of hope. I write to you because I love you so much.
Most importantly, I write to you because you are truly the only person I can turn to.
Beyond this is death.
So I thought, I write a little, sleep a little, and if I am OK tomorrow, I carry on my effort to stop meeting BJ.
OK honey, later...
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