11/4/22 ^^^Starting fresh

True enough, there are enough challenges facing my life right now.  Certainly, the Haloparadol 5 is affecting my thinking big time.  The medication is making me feel like I had to discard my old thoughts to be normal.

Let me dissect the old thoughts.

It is very big.  I need to contain the thought.

My problem is in the area of diet and exercise.

That is the mind and body area.

So forget about looking for several wives.

My challenge is to develop a healthy biosphere.

Not even that.  The real goals is AHAD and OMAD.

mm

11/4/22 ###I am losing my ability to write

Be prepared to start all over again.

Start with a new story.

OK, just to be sure, the past story ended with a disaster.  As usual, I was left with a state of psychosis.

So the conclusion is, that my brain got hyperactive when I am among people.

What is this new story then?

If I want to write a new story then:

• It must be about a Sound Mind and a Sound Mind Theme.
• I will not deal with the total knowledge that I have accumulated
• I will always remember Els.  She is my Kitty Cat Pet.

So in short, I talk about diet and nutrition and keep it plain and simple.  Keep memory sweet.

mm

>>>#11/4/22 This relationship I have with Els is a one way relationship.

I am going in circles with her.

This is the most terrible torture I ever had.

I have a writer's block.

All because I am scared of losing her.

The truth is she doesn't [] (care) if she is lose me or not.

mm

9/4/22 ^^^That's the way it is

 I am in the phase where my output has no value to the process.

Seriously, all of these have no meaning to my world right now.

I don't care if none [t]hatsoever  (none whatsoever) are in favor of my plight.

It is really a challenge right now.  I cannot sleep!

Therefore, I am really counting on my ability to fast as my remedy to break insulin resistance.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am losing Els to Max, whoever that is.  Maybe that is the first step I have to take.  The first step [and][is] to do away [] (with) a one-sided relationship.  That way I just stick to what makes sense.

Another way to have a meaningful relationship is to ignore relationships that are hidden and hidden.

So goodbye Els.  That is the most destructive relationship ever.

What the fuck.  I don't know what the fuck I'm writing.

Shit, I don't know if anything means something.

The truth is I am really in love with Els.  But then, there is nothing there.  So I should go on.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This Ramadan, I should concentrate on getting physically well.  Then, if Sarah wants to accompany me so be it.

As it is  I have to get my house in order.

The decision is I have to stay away from Els.  Otherwise, it is damaging.

mm

9/4/22 ^^^I don't know why, but the quality of my writing deteriorates

Therefore the strategy is to do more than think more.

At 6:00 pm today I simply walk

I do the same thing at 6:00 am tomorrow.

Now my mindset is to behave like an Athlete4Life

mm

>>>#9/4/22 ^^^The grim reality of relying on medication

Once I take medication, I have to rely on medication.

Well, to be on the fair side, I did not exercise in the afternoon either.

I must make myself tired.

Very well, if the weather is bright, I'll walk.

This can't [c]o (go) on forever.  I got to lose weight. 

mm

8/4/22 ^^^I increased my medication by taking Haloperidol at 11:30 pm in addition to the Zyprexa at 7:30 pm

 I know my problem.  I cannot sleep at 10:30 pm because I sleep in the afternoon.

So now, I change my strategy.  I avoid sleeping late but I wake up midday

.Whatever works.

In the meantime I play with my medication.

OK, time [] (to) sleep.

mm

8/4/22 ###Each day is getting us closer to the real deal

So, here is the real deal.  Each  of  us is our own creation,

That is the basis of Autonomous Governance and the Zen of Personal Bliss.

I wish I could say otherwise.  Unfortunately, we are who we are up to the limit of our capability.

mm

8/4/22 ^^^To much uncertainty

 When I look at the landscape, it is worth considering that I am planning my own terrain and thus I have to decide on my personal preferences.

We have to decide on our own terrain.  If not we will be floating on somebody's piece of land.

mm

8/4/22 ^^^It's leading to a dead end today

 So much for keeping the world small.

The strategy then is to seize the day and move forward.

mm

8/4/22 ***Calibrating time with Els

 

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

57s

@elsDines

#traxxfm Finally, managed to nail the time you are on air. I was doing Russo-Ukraine War with Sarah last night. Talk to me *[tonight]. Mainly to double-check on our comms.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

10s

@elsDines

#traxxfm Man, oh, man. Yup, you can say that again. Over a month ago, I had writer's block. A really scary state. It is the same as the state of being stupid. Now, for the past 2 nights, I can sleep like normal again.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

18s

@elsDines

#traxxfm So honey, as we speak, we are crystalizing the thoughts on so many things in the past and future. My thoughts linger on Global Telepathy 2024. So many things already materializing.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

13s

@elsDines

#traxx Our relationship is very volatile. That is why I say hold on to the secure attachment. It thus *a[s] (act) as a gyroscope to balance the relationship. I want stability and certainty. Actually, when you shift to morning, I was already all over the place.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

29s

@elsDines

#traxxfm Here is the situation now. I am personally moving away from External Affairs. So it's just you and Sarah. I keep my world really small. 2024, I'll run the 21 km Hill Run. That's my goal for the next couple of years. The secure attachment is good enough.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

10s

@elsDines

#traxxfm As I told you, my world is very small, but of the little I have I can't do without. So when I started to miss you, it is as if my 4 stilts house is standing on 3 stilts. It was a horrible experience, I can't do without you.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

16s

@elsDines

#traxxfm You talked fancy about Twitter just now. I was lost. I don't even know where to start. In the meantime, say you stay with me. Without you, I became demoralized.

mm